As I reflect upon my life and the 50 years I have been on this journey, I am realizing that each piece, each moment has brought me to this moment where I can bare my soul and be completely comfortable in the vulnerability.
The pieces of my life remind me of my favorite dessert, rainbow sprinkles on chocolate soft serve ice cream. Each sprinkle brings meaning, relationship, excitement, sorrow, challenge, evolution, change, flavor, and a deeper appreciation for life, if I allow. And as my tongue licks each sprinkle, savors its flavor as it mixes with the ice-cream, I become nourished and satiated in life experience.
I often feel that my life can be likened to a book and each chapter has brought various pieces of a puzzle into my reach to experience it all. From childhood to adolescence to young adult to now a more mature adult, I have experienced so many things during these 50 years. While each chapter has certainly had its challenges, each page of the chapter has brought significant meaning and lessons along the way.
Neither of my parents are here to celebrate my milestone birthday with me, which is terribly sad. However, along my path I have been fortunate to meet people who love me and support me emotionally and care about my well-being and I know I am not alone. As I reflect on each page of my book that is still in process, and allow myself to fully embrace my moments, I realize that the chapters of my life have become pieces of a puzzle. Without any piece, this puzzle cannot exist and therefore the more challenging moments for me were meant to be experienced to provide me the compass to evolve and further my self-study. Some of my puzzle pieces may be worn or have jagged edges, but that is okay, I realize this now.
My core, the center of this puzzle of life, the inside of my ice cream cone where the sweetest most delicious experience happens, my purpose for being alive are Jared & Larissa, my children. I know that upon the day of my death, they are my WHY and they were my life’s purpose and dharma. I also know with certainty, they were my most important “job” and I know with every bit of me, that I was exactly the mother I was born to be. I remember when I was 5 years old and my brother Jonathan was born, people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. My answer was always the same: a cheerleader and a mommy. I have accomplished both and more, ironically maybe the cheerleader I was in high school became the cheerleader I now am for my clients, my community, my family. This all being said, my greatest joy will always be my children. My greatest disappointments, well there are a lot and those I will hold inside with compassion for myself and forgiveness for others. What is most important is that I have learned from all my mistakes, albeit it sometimes took a bit to see the light after the darkness; but it did happen.
I am bare, naked, and NOT afraid. I am vulnerable, I am sensitive, I have a big heart that many have seen. I am optimistic most of the time, I am scared a lot of the time, I push myself to my limits too much of the time. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a lover, and I am proud of my learnings thus far. So, while I most certainly do not know the number of my days remaining, what I am certain of is that at the beginning of 2022 I set out to EXPERIENCE life with rainbow sunglasses, to see the best in myself and others, to travel, to love, to be present. So far, this is all happening for me, and the reason why is simple; I became OKAY being exposed, bare and willing to get hurt along the way.
Today I am 50 years old. Today I have never felt more alive. Today I am present and will walk the balance of my journey open to receive all that comes my way.
Nicole Zornitzer is the owner of Niyama Yoga. For information, visit NiyamaYogaShala.com.
